May 21st, 2009 by Rachel Johnston in Humour | No Comments »
The Guardian asked pupils across the country to write reports about their teachers. Here’s our favourites…
Harriet, 12, year 6
Miss P is a kind and gentle person and is easy to talk to if you have any problems. This is very important in a teacher, and her pupils value her as a result. She is a brilliant teacher, with lots of flair, and she puts her imagination to good use in classroom settings. Lessons with her are fun and exciting. However, she could work harder at practical things - science experiments, for example, could be more fun.
Stephen, 18, year 13
Mr X is a competent chemistry teacher who is interested in his subject, and shows evidence of a wide-ranging and inquiring mind. One of his greatest strengths is that he is extremely good at explaining complicated issues using everyday language and examples. Recently, an issue that had eluded me for months suddenly made sense when he described it in terms of a motorway road system - it all fell into place.
He’s approachable and friendly, but doesn’t fall into the trap of thinking he’s cool or on a level with his pupils, which some teachers unfortunately do. His strength is as a mentor and guide. He’s a teacher pupils know they can turn to and rely on - a great asset. His wide-ranging general knowledge is admired and remarked on by pupils throughout the school, and makes him a great asset in the annual school quiz. His one weakness is that his lessons can drag on - he might find it useful to try to think of ways of involving pupils more through his lessons. In general, though, another excellent year.
For more see: http://www.guardian.co.uk/education/2008/jul/22/schools.teaching
What would your pupils write about you?
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May 17th, 2009 by Rachel Johnston in Humour | No Comments »
This made us laugh, from SchoolJokes.com.
King Henry’s School for Potential Wives
Name of Pupil: BOLEYN, Anne
Age: 8
Subject: History
Anne is very keen on this subject. She’s not as confident on her dates as she might be, but she certainly knows her Kings.
She enjoyed our outing to the Royal Palace. I had a lot of trouble dragging her away when the time came to go home. In the end I had to take her by the ear and say ‘chop chop’ with some force. If the headmaster had been there, she’d have really got it in the neck.
We are hoping for great things for Anne in the forthcoming examinations. Her mother was also very good at history, and in this respect Anne is clearly a chip off the old block. Just so long as she doesn’t lose her head and get carried away, she should obtain a good grade.
Mr A.X.E. Mann
Deputy Head
For more totally made up reports visit http://www.schooljokes.com/school_reports/
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May 16th, 2009 by Rachel Johnston in Humour | No Comments »
Guess who?
“His glaring faults have certainly glared at us this term.”
That was the harsh comment received by Stephen Fry on one of his school reports and listed in the book ‘Could Do Better’ edited by Catherine Hurley.
Another report gem was found in Dame Judy Dench’s report.
“Judi would be a very good pupil if she lived in this world.”
It is amazing how wrong some teachers can get it, as seen by Eric Morecambe’s school report. His teacher wrote;
“This boy will never get anywhere in life.”
Morecambe later went on to win an OBE.
However, Carol Worderman’s teacher obviously had an insight when she wrote,
“Carol has a masterly hold over mathematical computation which should prove profitable later on.”
For more celebrity school reports check out ‘Could Do Better‘ by Catherine Hurley and her follow up ‘Could Do (Even) Better‘.
(via BBC News)
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May 14th, 2009 by Stuart Johnston in Humour | No Comments »
Apparently these are real report comments made by real teachers in New York.
Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
I would not allow this student to breed.
Your child has delusions of adequacy.
Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
The student has a “full six-pack” but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.
This child has been working with glue too much.
When your daughter’s IQ reaches 50, she should sell.
The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.
If this student were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week
It’s impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.
Not surprisingly all the teachers were reprimanded.
(via njmarknj on Yahoo! Answers)
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“Gordon could try harder”
May 20th, 2009 by Stuart Johnston in Opinion | No Comments »
If you were to write a school report for our politicians what would you say?
Ben Macintyre who writes for the Times has had a go. He wrote:
and for our previous Prime Minister
Ben’s full article is here.
What would you write?
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